Joker
Song Rationales and Lyrics
3 When Home Don’t Feel Like Home
1. King of the Susquehanna
I wrote this song about my uncle, Kern Dibble. My family has generations of great muskie fishermen, but my Uncle Kern is known far and wide for his talents. Launching from his lot on Myo Beach in Meshoppen, he spends most of his days out on the Susquehanna River. There isn’t a fish he can’t catch or a fishing contest he can’t win.
They call him the monster of the river
The fish of 10,000 casts
More bullheaded than the bullhead
Elusive as the channel cat
Faster than the bass
Catch, release and put him back
He’s the King of the Susquehanna
Lake Chautauqua and the shores of Myo Beach
And the fishermen they say
They’re gonna find him one day
In a honey hole with bucktail spinners
Catch-up, reel him in
The Muskie King
They call him the captain of the river
The man of 10,000 casts
Muskie elbow and a six-pack
Rebel minnow with a broke-back
He’s always in the right place at the right time
Knock ‘em back
Chorus
They say just cuz you see him
Doesn’t mean that he’ll be found
Cuz when he rounds the river bend
He’ll disappear once again
Chorus (x2)
2. The Tale of Amos Gray
A slurry pit, also known as a farm slurry pit, slurry tank, slurry lagoon or slurry store, is a hole, dam, or circular concrete structure where farmers gather all their animal waste together with other unusable organic matter, such as hay and water run off from washing down dairies, stables, and barns, in order to convert it over a lengthy period of time into fertilizer that can eventually be reused on their lands to fertilize crops. The decomposition of this waste material produces deadly gases, making slurry pits potentially lethal. (Wikipedia)
This song is based on a rumor…
We moved out to the family farm when I was ten
When mama left daddy to start over again
I rode for miles down that dirt road to pass the days
‘Til my Grandpa he warned me ‘bout my neighbor Amos Gray
Rumor has it
He has killed six men
Too much whiskey
And he’ll kill again
Old Amos farmed the land and milked the cows at dawn
He’d hit the bottle hit his wife and leave her laying on the lawn
One day I found the charred remains of someone’s truck
That’d been pushed over the bank and not so neatly covered up
They say out of
State plates won’t be found
Till the body’s
Returned to the ground
There was a star hung on his silo
Shining bright for all to see
Down below there was a body
Buried in the slurry deep
A resting place where secrets keep
While Amos Gray lay fast asleep
And in the spring he emptied out the slurry tank
To fertilize the crops which fed the cows whose milk we drank
And everybody knows but noone wants to talk
Cuz now there ain’t no body and they don’t want to end up
Like so many
Men have died before
Lying in a
Grave of cow manure
Chorus
I guess his secret’s safe with me
3. When Home Don’t Feel Like Home
I wrote this song on a night when I was feeling homesick for my family farm. Don’t get me wrong; I have a beautiful home that I love, but it’s hard to compare to a 400 acre farm – especially on a warm summer night with a very limited view of the stars and no fields full of fireflies. As I wrote, it turned into a song about missing childhood and all the things you have to give up along the way as you enter adulthood. I guess it’s also about longing for the freedom and innocence of childhood – climbing trees, visiting your grandparents, living with your siblings, playing in the woods, the songs that become ingrained in you…
I miss the rain on the tin roof
Doing chores in pajamas and Muck boots
And Orion in the Southern sky
A million stars, no gas well lights
I miss the miles of dirt roads
No matter how far I ran they always led home
And the smell of my chestnut mare
When I’d bury my face into her hair
But I’m here, not there
And each night in my prayers
I thank God for what I have
But I can’t help but feel alone
When home don’t feel like home
I miss the peepers when the ground thaws
Catching fireflies in jars after night falls
And the songs on the radio
A little Garth, Pam, Reba, John, and Joe
I miss the sound of the distant train
The smell of the woods after a summer rain
I miss climbing in the willow tree
Sunday dinner up at Grandpa’s every week
Chorus
And I’ve worked so hard for what I’ve got
I’ve made my dreams come true
But the things I lost along the way
Are things you can’t buy new
I miss living on King Road
Listening to my mama play piano
And my sister when we’d go for walks
Just to have our little girl talks
4. When There’s Hay to be Made
This is a theme song for my uncle, Raymond Dibble, whom I have spent every single summer since I was a little girl helping to do the haying on the family farm. Most of our equipment is quite old; it’s constantly breaking down and there is not a hay day that goes by without some sort of frustration.Our farm is large, so haying is a full time job in the summer, and even though it can be grueling work, there’s not a day that goes by without a memorable moment and some good laughs. My hay making days are fondly remembered as family memories. There’s not a better feeling than falling asleep at night knowing you did an honest day’s work on the farm. My Uncle Ray is also a NASCAR fan, so I tried to relate the two.
He does the mowing in the evening
When those summer days are cool
He’ll grease equipment in the morning
While he waits for the sun to dry the dew
Then he’ll fire up the engine
Hook up the PTO
And he’s on the field by eleven
Just waiting on go (watch him go)
He drives more laps than a NASCAR race
Round and round at a Sunday pace
It’s always work and never play
There’s no such thing as a holiday
When there’s hay to be made
The 504 runs the tedder
The Super C pulls the rake
The 656 has got a custom throttle wedge
And the 200 has no brakes
And the baler will break
And then he’ll fix it
And the baler will break again
But he’s faster than a pit crew
Cuz he’s gotta beat the rain (its blowing in)
Chorus
Flip the cut side up
And ya stack‘em three high
Hit a woodchuck hole
Leave a wheel behind
If the branch ain’t wet
That means your tank is dry
Ain’t a tractor here
Whose torque will amplify
Chorus (x2)
That’s how Ray does the hay
That’s how he does it
Lord how he loves it
That’s how Ray does the hay
5. Joker
This song is about my mother, Susie (Susan Dibble Nulton), and her childhood horse, Joker. I don’t think there was ever a little girl who wanted a horse so badly and worked as hard as she did for it. Joker was a Tennessee Walker with a watch eye, or a blue eye. Every single word of this song is true – from my mother pushing her saddle on her bike two miles down the road to his field each time she wanted to ride him, to how (spoiler alert) he died. The song is also about her drive and motivation to see her dream of having a horse come true. I challenge everyone to “live your life like it’s what you want.”
Susie grew up riding ponies
At a farm just down the road
Little girl from town with dreams a mile wide
Wanting nothing more than a horse to call her own
‘Til her Grandpa brought that Tennessee Walker home
Joker’s left eye
Was blue as the sky
Susie walked each day
To his field two miles from town
It was heavy so she pushed her saddle on her bike
And they’d ride for hours
Up the railroad beds in Noxen
They’d cross the river in Meshoppen and follow it home
Joker’s watch eye
Kept her safe every ride
She’d saddle up
With a fierce determination
Without any reservation of what might come
She’d ride each ride
Without fear or hesitation
When she’d fall find motivation to get back on
Cuz you gotta live your life
Like it’s what you want
Susie took him to a horse show
With the 4-H Pony Club
Little girl on fifteen hands of gaited flair
Where a woman
In a wheelchair approached her
She said, “I know your horse, he’s the one who put me here.”
Joker’s kind eye
Hid a dangerous side
Chorus
Susie graduated high school
Got accepted into college
Little girl all grown up headed out on her own
The neighbor’s bull
Broke into his pasture
Between the barbed wire and the horns there wasn’t much hope
Joker closed his eyes
For the last time
Chorus
6. Pretend You Never Loved Me
I started writing this song back in college. I had just gone through a break-up and happened to run into my ex about a week later. He acted like he had no idea who I was and had never met me before in his life – it was weird. So I wrote the first verse and chorus of the song, but then got stuck, because how do you write an entire song based on that?
To finish it (some 15 years later), I pieced together two perspectives. One was based on a friend from college who was dating a man she thought to be the love of her life. He left her for another woman before she could tell him she was pregnant. She ended up losing the baby. I don’t think he ever knew. The second is from the perspective of “the other woman,” who bites her tongue and suffers in silence because she knows that she will never be his number one.
Look at me
Like you’ve never seen me
Shake my hand
Like you’ve never touched me
Say hello
Like you’ve never known me
And I’ll do the same
I despise
Your superficial
Remedy
Of circumstance
Void of any recognition
In your glance
And you
Pretend you never loved me
That there was never us
Your arms have never held me
Our lips have never touched
And I’ll smile
Like I’m fine
And die inside
But I can’t
Pretend that I
Don’t know you
Cheers to you
And your new fiance
Daddy’s girl
Homecoming queen
Long blonde hair
With big blue eyes
She’s everything
I couldn’t be
Does she know
How much I loved you
Does she know
You promised me
Wedding vows
A life together
With the life
Inside of me
Chorus
Lucky for you
I never made it to twelve weeks
Lucky for you
I bit my tongue and let her believe
Chorus (x2)
7. Automatic Love
This song was inspired by a friend and fellow musician whose family suffered a terrible tragedy the summer before I had my first baby. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, but following their story on Facebook really hit me hard. There are two themes in the song. The first is about a classic car and the devotion, care, and patience it takes to maintain/restore/rebuild an older car… and how this same devotion, care, and patience can carry through to human relationships.
The second is about love. Family love. Romantic love. Love that can get you through anything. The outpouring of love and support for my friend and his family during that time was just beyond words. Love is so powerful; it can guide you through even the darkest of times.
Sharlene
Finally found a decent man
Made a simple living with his hands
He treated Sharlene good
Tommy
Never really knew his dad
Didn’t want to give John a chance
To fill his shoes
Until he saw that black Trans Am
You know a car can change a man
Time
Time went by under the hood
Changing parts and bodywork
They tore that car apart
Sharlene
Hoped and prayed that this
Automatic car could shift
Tommy’s heart
Out of automatic love her prayers came true
From automatic love a family grew
The paint will start to fade and parts will break
A little elbow grease is all it takes
To restore her back to new
This automatic love
Carrie
Line-danced at a local bar
Where Tommy sang and played guitar
Every Friday night
First date
He picked her up in a black Trans Am
A car that proved he was the type of man
That could treat her right
Cuz it takes a steady hand
To build a love that truly lasts
Their automatic love just felt so right
An automatic love grew overnight
When passion fades and promises they break
A little elbow grease it all it takes
To restore her back to new
Their automatic love
A ring
On her finger and they made their plans
Booked a venue, hired a wedding band
Borrowed something blue
His folks
Went out for an evening ride
A deer would take John’s life that night
Leave Sharlene in the ICU
Streamers trailed from that Trans Am
Tommy helped his mother stand
With automatic love they said “I do”
Their automatic love will get them through
When lives fade and hearts break
A lot of elbow grease is what it’ll take
To rebuild the life they knew
With automatic love
8. Mr. Moonlighter
This song is about my cousin John “Bucky” Camburn, also known as “Mr. Moonlighter.” When his lineman work is done for the day, he moonlights as a heavy equipment operator. The song sounds like it is about going out with his buddies to the bar, but his “buddies” are actually the names of all his equipment. For example, “Jill will dig up dirt on anyone he knows” because Jill is his excavator. Jack, his log skidder, will “pull him out of a fight.” Joni, the bulldozer, will “clear a path through any crowded room.” And Eugene, the Euclid used for hauling rock, “hauls them home at the end of the night.” His most prized truck is his Peterbilt dump truck, Pete, which he inherited from his good friend Terry Garrison, who lost his fight to cancer a few years ago.
The day is done
The sun has set
He worked all day
But he ain’t tired yet
He calls the crew
They head out
But no one knows
Their whereabouts
Jill will dig up dirt
On everyone he knows
Jack will pull him out
Of a fight
Joni will clear a path
Through any crowded room
And Eugene hauls them home
At the end of the night
Pete is still his best friend
Although they’re missing one
Their last glass raised to him
When they pull an all-nighter
He’s Mr. Moonlighter
The morning sun
Filters through
He stumbles towards
His cup of brew
His work boots on
He’s out the door
Eight long hours
‘Til what he’s waiting for
Chorus
When you need a little extra
Just to get by
You work all day
And then you work all night.
Chorus
9. The Girl From Outlaw Valley
This song is about my cousin, Sarrah Dibble-Camburn. Those that know her know that she is just an amazing human being. Growing up with her, I will always remember her long hair, her love for animals, and her fiery spirit. She is also an incredible horsewoman. The lyrics outline her life, but tied into those lyrics are the names of every show horse she has ever owned – Applejacks, Comanche, Our Eternal Cody, Ima Aledo Step (Ledo), GI Jane, Patrasha’s Luck, Surprise Flashy, CNF Lena’s Gold (Digger), Texas T (Bear), and CNF Red Red Wine. And the name of the song? Her horse training facility is called Outlaw Valley.
Her hair was as long as the river
Her eyes were as deep as the sea
A soul that was wild
Grew inside of that child
The girl from Outlaw Valley
She called to the birds and the creatures
The horses her choice company
From dusk until dawn
She would ride all night long
The girl from Outlaw Valley
Commanche heart
To lead each step she’d take
Eternal luck
And a Jack and an ace
She’d dig her heels in
Bare her teeth when she’d grin
The girl from Outlaw Valley
They sent her away to the city
In hopes she’d be tamed by a school
So she learned to paint
But her heart grew faint
She was stifled by all of their rules
One by one came her suitors
Gifting saddles and songs and rings
But winning her hand
Could be done by no man
Cuz she wouldn’t be bought by things
Chorus
Like sun finds the dawn she found him
He was moonlight incarnate
A flash of surprise
Could be seen in her eyes
As their hearts fell into place
Her dress was as white as the starlight
Her lips were as red as wine
Like Tarzan and Jane
One was wild, one was tame
And their love would outlast time
Commanche heart
To lead each step they’d take
Eternal luck
And a jack and an ace
And her spirit remained
Something fierce and untamed
The girl from Outlaw Valley
10. Now That I Have You
I wrote this song about my baby, Lane, when he was 6 months old. How fortunate for me that the world shut down and I got to be a full time mother. All of the lyrics were composed while rocking my sleeping boy in our rocking chair. It’s funny how life pushes you along your path. I waited a long time to have him, until all of my passions suddenly stopped working out for me. My “heart” horse passed away. My yoga teacher moved away. My rock band came to an end. Running was taking a toll on my knee. It’s like the universe was preparing me and saying, “It’s time.” And my wonderful little boy came along and not only filled that void but my whole entire heart. Even my anxiety problems seemed to vanish in the peace he brought me. He made my heart “brand new” again.
Gray
Like the dawn
Before the sun comes up
And night’s still holding on
Replaced with a brighter hue
All because of you
Now that I have you
I’ll never be alone
I will always feel loved
And have someone to hold
My heart feels brand new
Now that I have you
Lost
In a sea
Of things I used to love
Things I used to be
A yearning in me grew
The missing piece was you
Chorus
Still
Like the calm
Before the storm arrives
And quietude is lost
A feeling I never knew
The peace I find in you
Chorus (x2)
11. Best Mechanic in this Town
This song was inspired by my husband, Kiah Van Gorden, who is the MacGyver of all things mechanical. Even as a kid, he would disassemble anything just to learn how it worked and then reassemble it. I’ve witnessed him pull off some pretty amazing feats in our driveway; from fixing a bent Jeep frame with a pine tree and some chains to lifting the cab off a Ford 6.4 diesel with a skidsteer to change out turbos. I also tried to relate the song to all the NEPA backyard mechanics; the ones driving around trucks with 5 different colored body panels, with “primer gray” as their paint color of choice… the ones with more bondo than body left…
Well my foreign car’s sure good on gas
A fill-up once a month will last
Cuz that hunk of junk spends half the time
Broke down along the road
The last time that she let me down
I was thumbin’ for a ride to town
When a Marlboro man with a jacked-up truck
Gave me a lift and winched her up
He drove a ChevFordDodJeep pickup
Its a six-speed automatic
And the 2-wheel all-wheel 4-wheel drive’s
Sure nice when he gets stuck in the mud
Pullin’ out some Tundra
With his PowerCummMax Diesel
Well he’s known for miles around
The best mechanic in this town
Well he can fix a frame that’s bent
With a pine tree and a ratchet strap
And rocker panels are a cinch
With a rivet gun and old scrap tin
And all his body work’s done right
With duct tape, Bondo, Dynalite
He’ll pull it, press it, fix your dents
His vehicle is evidence
Chorus
(Instrumental)
Chorus
He’s known for miles around
The best mechanic in this town
12. Kilowatt Cowboys
This song is for all the linemen! Three of my cousins are linemen and I have seen them miss Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas, birthdays, etc. because they are out keeping the power on for everyone else. Whenever there is a terrible storm, you know they are headed out in it while we are all hunkered down inside. They deserve a huge thank you!
Some cowboys wrangle hot lines
Instead of roping steers
Traded spurs for whiskey grabbers
And dress in FR gear
Their cowboy hat’s a hard hat
They don’t ride a bronco
A heavy belt buckle would weigh them down
While they’re climbing up those poles
Wind blew, shit flew, out came the line crew
The Kilowatt Cowboys
Claverack, Penelec, PPL, don’t forget to wave
As they go by
Hurricanes, tornadoes
Scorching heat and summer bugs
Rain or shine, day or night
They’ll keep those wires up
Blizzards and sub-zero temps
Sleet and ice storms
They’re out keeping us connected
While we’re inside in staying warm
Chorus
Somewhere there’s a woman
Who’s been waitin’ all night long
All alone, in the dark
For someone to turn her on
Chorus (x2}
13. Wild and Free
I was dreading going back to work. Don’t get me wrong; I’m very fortunate to have the career I have and to work with some pretty amazing coworkers. But I feel so inspired to create so many things, go so many places, and live a life fueled by ambition and inspiration – and by the time I get home from my work day and 2-hour commute and do all of my “adulting” I don’t have much ambition left. I try very hard to work to live… not live to work… but it would be so much easier if I was wild and free…
I want the sun to wake me up
Not a five A.M. alarm clock
I want to sip my cup of coffee
Not drink it in the truck
Everyday I pull into the same spot
Wear the same clothes, do the same job
And my thirty-minute lunch is not
Enough to get me through
And I’m blessed my bills are paid
But at the end of every day
I just wanna be wild and free
Let the rain fall over me
And the places I’ll never see
The life I’ll never lead
Dreams that will always be
Until I am wild and free
When I get home I’m exhausted
Cook them dinner cuz they’re hungry
Wash the dishes, do the laundry
Tomorrow I’ll do it all again
And my home feels like a time-share
The amount of time I spend there
Doesn’t hardly compare
To the price I have to pay
As I fall into my bed
I wonder will it ever end
Will I ever be wild and free
Will the stars shine down on me
And the places I’ll never see
The life I’ll never lead
Dreams that will always be
Until I am wild and free
(Instrumental)
Now I’ll ever be wild and free
For all eternity
And the places I’ll never see
The life I’ll never lead
Dreams that will never be